Why is Dating So Hard

Coming from the perspective of an introverted/extrovert, dating is the hardest thing to do. I just want to be able to fast forward to the relationship part and be able to get to know the person while growing with them and being each other’s support system.

Granted dating is pretty fun because sometimes there are boys who are super cute and sometimes I wonder that a cute like that is dating or seeing a girl who isn’t the first choice. Which is basically how I’ve grown up, not being the first choice and being second or third at least.

Im not saying I have low self-esteem or confidence but the ratio of having the low confidence far exceeds the days where I’m feeling great about myself.

As much, as U’m impatient though to get to that next part of my life, I guess I just have to weed out through all the dumb guys before finding the one that wants to be with me.

Like I’m pretty funny, I make myself laugh, and if that’s not enough I don’t know what is. haha.

As for my dating life it’s there. I’m actually going on a date sometime this week, which I’m really excited about, even though it’s right after work.

Maybe I might tell the story of how it goes. In the meantime, thanks for reading.

Cheers.

Let’s take a second

Can we just take a brief moment to talk about the things boys are willing to say just to get you to come over to their place.

So we’ll take a guy I was talking to a while back. First of all, he didn’t text me from my actual number that he clearly had but DM’ed me from INSTAGRAM! If that wasn’t  F***Boy material or a quality then I don’t know what is. But he lives with his parents and I was “on my way to work” (really I was just at home because it was 9am) and he DM’s me saying to come over. I told him I couldn’t because “I was driving to work.” He had the audacity to keep messaging me to either call out or do anything that required me basically just going over to his place.

Granted, this probably isn’t a groundbreaking story and most likely almost every girl has gone through this, but I just find it really funny. Some boys are willing to do anything just to get what they want and when the roles are reversed, it’s crickets coming from their end.

Like boy, I’m trying to be independent over here, hustling with 3 jobs and trying to stay awake on a normal day. Begging will not help, suggesting that you’ll come over to my place won’t help either. Just stop being annoying and admit defeat, my no will not turn to a yes because once again it is 9am and I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

In other news, I hope everyone had a great 4th of July earlier this week! I’m currently drinking coffee and trying to figure out all the other things in my life because I’m making moves.

Thanks for reading!

Cheers.

Happy Saturday!

Hey everyone! I’m back with another episode of me just writing because I damn well feel like it.

Things are weird and stressful but at the same time, I’m living for it. Even though i just got this new job, nothing is stopping me from settling for less. I love where Im at but at the same time freaking out because of all the things happening at the same time.

The one thing I know I have to check off my list of things to do is finding an apartment so if anyone knows of super cheap places to live in the LA area, let me know because I will be needing all of the suggestions.

But can we take a second to appreciate the fact that it’s summer and there’s so many things that we can do but for some reason adult-ing has to be a thing and so I’M TOO FUCKING POOR TO DO ANYTHING FUN!

I get it there are things to do on a budget but like if I’m on a budget that means I can’t be spending any money to have fun. Is that just me or does someone out there in the world feels the same way.

Anyways, I just wanted to say Hi. I’ve been back home with family since yesterday so I’m definitely just hanging out trying to make moves.

Like all I want in life is to be in the financial bracket where I can live on my own and not worry about anything but myself and my family. Is that too much to ask! Also, in the financial bracket where I can go to Chipotle and not care about Guac being extra!

That’s it. Thanks for reading ya’ll.

Cheers.

Hey Everyone!

So it’s been another hot minute since I’ve been on here!

It took sometime but I’m back and pretty ready to just talk and rant on here.

But here’s a quick life update on myself:

  1. I FINALLY graduate university! Man oh man, you have no idea how excited, scared, and pretty happy I am that I finally have a degree and officially in loans. But seriously though it’s been a little over a month since I walked across maybe the final stage and still have no idea HOW IN THE WORLD THE SCHOOL LET ME EARN A DEGREE! I still have no idea how to adult just yet.
  2. I officially let myself know my worth and to not let people walk over me. It took me awhile and quite a sad act to just think about but I did it people! I finally know what my worth it and I’m good just being me and trying to hustle and be in the financial bracket that I strive to be in.
  3. I’ve been able to handle 3 jobs over the semester and I just got a new one! I’m really excited for this position and even though it’s not guaranteed over the summer, after two weeks I realized that having multiple jobs including this one isn’t cutting it. So after careful consideration, I’ve decided to leave all my other jobs except for one (that’s gig based) and decided to take the risk and continue with this new job.

I honestly feel like there’s more going on but honestly probably not. I’ve been really tired and all my days have been meshing together but that’s what having a job and it being summer is like right?

But for right now, I think that’s about it. Thanks for reading and I’ll be back soon.

Cheers.

You.

Why.

Why you.

Why did I fall for you?

You broke my heart.

And while you did that, you’re probably living life normally as if I never existed.

Which is fine. Life goes on. You move on. I move on.

But right now. I still don’t like you. I want to hate you but I can’t.

Because I still feel for you. Even though I don’t want to anymore.

I have so much hatred for you and as much as I want to say “I hate you,” I can’t.

The only thing I can do is be happy for you in your little life accomplishments because I care for you.

Even though I don’t want to have any feelings towards you.

I can’t hate you.

 

 

Hello, It’s Me

It’s the day something is due for school but it’s due at 11:59pm so I still have time.

But let me tell you all about the time when I started catching feelings for someone.

This someone is great, this someone is the person I previously mentioned if anyone has read this page. But if not, it’s completely fine. Things were going great and then the next thing I know, he stops talking.

Now before I continue, you might already be thinking “Karen, he’s busy, he has his life, you two aren’t together, don’t get into your head.” So in lieu of preventing that, this is why I’m writing this to get it out of my head and pretend everything is okay.

But how can a person go from texting you back almost immediately and then taking hours to reply back. So before I could even cling myself to him, I semi-stopped replying back or sending anything aka hope he makes the move and texts me back. It’s just so strange to me. I’m not trying to put this guy on a pedestal but I really thought he liked even when he told me he did. So I just don’t get it.

It’s weird, it’s been about a week since I realized his pattern and I’m already coming to the conclusion, that he doesn’t want to continue this, he might like someone else, or that he is genuinely busy. Which most likely it is and I’m getting too much into my head because I don’t think I had a guy ever like me before.

I’m already at the point where, it would hurt if he doesnt talk to me anymore but I’m already letting it go because we weren’t together.

After 4 hours of telling myself I need to finish up my powerpoint lectures form my online class, I’m ready to do it.

Cheers.

 

Storytime

So I’m in the middle of my Stress Management class going over the powerpoints and for some reason I decided to tell a story that happened to me that’s been bothering me or maybe I’m just being a little petty about it.

Backstory: I’m the type of girl, that literally has no idea how to put makeup on either than mascara and eyeliner, maybe some cute dark matte lipstick because why the hell not. Well my sister had recently gifted me the world of highlight. So I’ve been trying to highlight my cheekbones because once again, why the hell not?

One morning, I had just gotten back from the gym, so I’m feeling good about myself, I’m freshly showered, I’m literally feeling brand new. I decide to try on some highlighter on my cheeks because I wanted to just highlight how cute they are. At this point, I’m basically done in 15 minutes because once again mascara and eyeliner and I’m out.

So I’m at work, having a great time, the sun is hitting me right and I’m packing up to leave and this girl looks at me and asked if I was wearing highlighter and I told her yes. Then she had the audacity to ask me why only because we were inside for a good few hours.

For some reason I had no idea how to respond because I’m over here thinking, that she was going to compliment me but all of a sudden, I got asked why. There was no reason as to why, either than that I was feeling myself and that rarely happens to me.

I don’t know if it’s just me but it was literally just a slap in the face and then she went on about how she doesn’t put on highlight because blah blah blah. But all I could think about was that I wasn’t here to impress you, I was here to impress myself, so if I wanted to highlight my cheeks I’ll highlight them any day I want.

But I feel like she didn’t mean it in a mean way, but how she asked and her tone just took me back but that’s all to my story. I just want to say is never ask anyone why they have something on. If anything, just compliment them and be on your way.

Thanks for listening. Back to my powerpoint lectures.

Cheers. X

An Exercise

So I’m in the middle of a lecture online and my professor was talking about how she would make her students write a journal about what is stressing them and then she would grab the trash bin and have them throw it away. I thought I would try it out on here because I’m too lazy to get up and grab a piece of paper.

What’s stressing me out. Literally the fact that whenever I’m finally in a good place, I mess myself over and start feeling insecure about myself/ I start to think about the good things as to why I’m in a good place but that stresses me out even more because I can’t think of those reasons. I hate how insecure I am with myself whenever I’m talking to a boy who I can see myself with for the time being and when I think things are okay, they aren’t. I hate that I keep blaming myself that it’s something I did wrong and no matter how many times my friends and people around tell me it’s not, I can’t believe them.

What stresses me out is the fact that being in a good place isn’t enough. I pretend that I don’t want anything serious and when something bad happens between us I can’t get mad because we’re not together. I hate that I want to ask where things are going but try my best to fight that because I don’t want them to leave because I like their company. I hate that this has become a stressor for me. I hate that I think I’m forcing something to happen when I can’t even read them.

What stresses me out is that I don’t want to say anything to anyone because I know I’m going to be judged for it or be put down. I try and bite my tongue because even if I try talking to one of my housemates, they makes things worse by calling me “stupid” or “dumb” because of whatever reason. Just because they’re “boy problems.” I get that I put myself in the situation but I’m trying to get myself out and I just want your help to get me out.

What stresses me out is that I literally cannot focus on anything anymore no matter how hard I try. Like how did this all of a sudden become so difficult. Why did I become like this and why am I making a path that is only made whenever I have validation. Why do I have to feel validated all the time? I honestly feel like at this point my main existence is feel validated but what kind of life is that?!

What stresses me out is every little thing sometimes gets to me.

What doesn’t stress me out is that whenever I think that I don’t need them in my life, for a few hours I really do believe that I don’t. And I know I don’t I’m still coming to terms with that. But that’s still a process.

If you’re still reading this, I swear I’m crazy. I just fell too hard too quick for someone that didn’t want me even though I wanted them and I think I’m falling for someone that I have no idea what their intentions are. I know that can be easily fixed but I just want them to tell me, I don’t want to force it out of them.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

Cheers. X

New Year, Same Me

So obviously it’s been a good, hot second since I’ve posted on here. I hope everyone is aware that it is the new year and so far I’m pretty okay everything. Also, it’s four days until everyone’s lives will starting going downhill from there.

But here’s a little catchup on my life. Everything is great. I have 3 paying jobs and starting my final semester at university on the 23rd and I’m excited yet terrified. I’m also starting my internship that day so we’ll see if I’ll get academic credit that will determine if it’s my final semester. Here’s hoping that it is. As much s I love school, I’m ready to start getting my life in order.

It might be a little too early to say this but I’m happy where I am and who I am at this point. If you asked me if I was happy 5 years ago, it would’ve been a way different answer. But like I said, it’s still too early.

As for boys, let’s just say I let the one that made me so insecure about myself officially go, even though I tried holding on. I’m still insecure about myself as it is, so I don’t need someone else to do that for me and makes me question if I’m good enough. I’m not in any serious relationship or relationship in general but so far, I’m spending time with someone that I enjoy their company. Even though, I can be comfortable with anyone and be myself. This one let’s me embrace my weirdness and even to this day, I can’t believe that he likes spending time with me too. Or so I think. But whether or not this one wants to stay in my life for the time being, again, it’s still too early to tell. But I wouldn’t mind spending time with him, even if it’s just for a little while longer.

I might be stressed and I might go crazy sometimes but even though it’s just sixteen days into the New Year, I’m still me but I’m in a good place right now. Hopefully the good place expands even more.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers.